10 Lines that we will not hear from Mormans while in Utah

10. I’m addicted to porn.

9. Brother Jacob, thy third wife is pissing on my asparagus crop again.

8. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical, aquatic ceremony.

7. Brother Leroy, thy idea of celebrating Kwanzaa instead of the day of our lord of us latter-day saint-types is an excellent one.

6. Yes, bartender, I’ll have another screaming orgasm.

5. Donnie, get-eth off-eth thy sister Marie.

4. Brother Enos, I wish I could quit you.

3. Attention fellow Tabernacle Choir members, turn in your hymnal to #532: “Highway to Hell”, by brothers AC & DC.

2. Brother Cates, why don’t thy ride with me…of course thy do know we have never been the best of friends.

1. Taketh thy whole golden horseshoe philosophy and shoveth it up-eth your ass-eth.

More quotes

A few more lines . . .

"Scotty, I know we've never been the best of friends."
--Carl Cates

"My dad's as rich as s**t and I don't have to work if I don't want."
--T. Dan Greer

"Yep, yep."
--R. Salter

"I'm positive this guy's an idiot."
--Ray Farrell, keeping vote night comments positive

"Oh, that's easy."
--W. G. Hodges, prefacing every Trivial Pursuit question ever asked.

"There's good peer pressure, then there's bad peer pressure."
--Art Linkletter appearing on "On Campus", Gary McCaleb's gabfest

"Guys, you've got my balls in your hands."
--R. Salter

"Poor time management, sir."
--Bigs, quivering in fear before President Jones, explaining his lack of Nova visits.

"What's my opinion of Kingman's performance!? What the BLEEP do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was BLEEPING BLEEP."
--Tommy Lasorda on Kingman's performance

Top 10 Infamous Lines from ACU

10. "I promised Billy if he broke the world record (18' 5") that I'd go out with him...so I have to break our date." (Suzanne Levy -- after which Scotty finally got the hint.)

9. "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" (Joe Booth, on falling from the rafters in Moody Coliseum.)

8. "You are a homo-cocual" (Radar, repeated on most days, outside the Bean.)

7. “Oh sure, there will be plenty of snow.” (David Johnson and John Muns, Pre-Galaxy Ski-Trip 2001)

6. "...and rather than to create a scene, we moved..." (Woodrow Wilson, on his neighbors throwing trash in his yard.)

5. "The silence in sensitivity to tragedy." (Carl Cates "Who's Who" write-up)

4. “Yes, I am dating you exclusively Talisa…(long pause)...um, I mean Becky”. (Butch Hendrix, on his many indecisive college moments.)

3. “I think we should pledge Galaxy…because we will get better jobs when after graduations.” (Jim Agan, at the “Zeros” pre-pledge gathering in Smith-Adams.)

2. "I had boils as big as this watch." (Woodrow Wilson, on his comparisons between his and Job's lives)

1. "May your children be loud" (The Curse of Lu Lu Fulks)

dreaming about responsibility

Chic's deervalleydream is not far removed from the truth of the trip. Each skier will be issued a clothesline for their own personal use. Laundry takes about four months to dry in that weather but it saves energy, and after all, isn't that what we are all about? I think it is very important we concentrate on what is really important here...making sure that this is a carbon-neutral vacation! Not one new song has cracked the top ten worst songs since we were freshmen? We will update your list to keep you current in all things. Is everyone doing their lunges in preparation for our mountain adventure? Scotty, your calves are big enough to exempt you from this mandatory workout.

The idealism and optimism of the 80s

One day, everything was carefree and Flock of Seagulls.

And then, responsibility set in . . .

Dreaming

I had my first dream about the ski trip last nite.

Little of it resembled February in Utah. I mean, it was eerily surreal. I vaguely remember an interstate. Lots of concrete. Not a speck of snow. Which would explain why we were skateboarding instead of skiing. Scotty was drinking from a stein. Deer Valley looked like Potosi. There was a clothesline with that day’s laundry hanging on it between the “condos”. I seem to recall some Skynyrd blaring. And there were twins who both resembled a thinner pair of Craig Goodspeeds.

Is it too late to invite Scott Creighton to join us?