Reality Check

It hit me this morning.

Was a function of numerous things. On their own, small things. Like furniture scattered throughout the house to accomodate for painting. A collectible plate breaking. A kid wetting the bed. Tripping over a sack of trash and falling knee-first into a doorway. Encountering unusually thick traffic (and thicker drivers) during the commute.

But when they all happen within minutes of each other, before 8 a.m., before you even arrive for the daily whipping that is work, it tends to sour your outlook on the day.

That's when I realized I didn't have the long-awaited ski trip to look forward to.

And what a trip it was.

Three full days of skiing, countless magnificent vistas, palatial accommodations, the best Super Bowl party ever, rehashed SNL goodness, a glorious bag of OBEY clothes, and a seemingly bottomless bag of apples.

Dudes, the trip was totally gnarly and filled with endorphin-firing moments.

Suffice it to say that, aside from my own work-related paranoia and our collective contribution to periodically shutting down various quad ski lifts, the trip was an absolute joy.

One of the remarkable characteristics of this trip was the lack of egos evident during the weekend -- especially given the collective successes of the group. It was a privilege to have been in such company.

Testimony to what Greg and I talked about as we soared toward a much flatter terrain last week -- that the most valuable thing we gained from our college experience was the relationships. Those relationships were most appreciated last week.

Great trip. Rack it. The DVD is coming.

Our Church Upbringing – 10 Hymns “Great Songs of the Church” (blue book edition)

10. #131: “Just As I Am”

9. #21: “Blessed Assurance”

8. #7: “All Things are Ready”

7. #145: “Up from the Grave (He Arose)”

6. #563: “O Sacred Head”

5. #2: “A Wonderful Savior”

4. #125: “Is it for Me?”

3. #299: “Peace Like a River”

2. #548: “Hallelujah Chorus”

1. Song inside the Book Cover: “How Great Thou Art”

got back

Ok, moonie skiers. I have just returned from a scouting trip to the Land of Mormon. It seems as if they are prepared for our visit and are ok with letting us Church of Christ Heathens into their midst, but only this once. We can bring multiple spouses with us but we have to promise to take them home when we leave. I have assured them that this was no problem....is everyone else ok with that? Let me know. Chic, loved your downhill racing story. Remnds me of a weekly guest column that appeared in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution by Kyle Petty Jr., following the Nascar Tour. "One town we went to had this great restauraunt. I mean the food was so great. I can't remember the name of it, but it was really good. It's really cool to go to all these places and people know who you are and ask for your autograph." A dynamic writer, he was. Anyway, although my name didn't fit the specific column for chili, I am gonna make it anyway. I got the recipe from this restauraunt, I can't remember the name of it, but it was really good. Keep doing those deep knee bends!

Our Super Potluck

Since we'll be in Utah together on Super Sunday, I think we should probably start planning our Super Bowl party.




I've taken the liberty to make the following assignments.

Last name A through Ba: Covered dish
Last name Be through U: Beer
Last name V through X: Chili
Last name Y through Z: Vanilla wafers

a ski story I told in 1978

One time I went skiing with my cousins. It was really cool. I had this one run . . . well, first I had to get off this ski lift. Man it was moving fast. I didn't fall or anything, though. So I adjusted my goggles, tucked my hair under my Raiders cap, and got ready. I knew this run was gonna be wild because it was totally steep. No. I mean really steep. Seriously, I was looking at it the whole way up the lift and I was like, "Whoa. No way." When I started it wasn't that tough. But then I was picking up speed really fast. I mean the trees were whizzing by like nothing. So then I start turning slightly and spraying snow. It was way cool. I was probably going 50 miles an hour. No joke. I was flying!!!! It's a good thing no one got in my way. I probably would've busted every bone in my body. I like those long runs. I hate those moguls. They totally get me. But there were these little bumps in the snow. And I was avoiding them. But then I was like, man, I'm gonna jump these. I hit the first one and, man, I was totally catching air, because, you know, I was flying!!!! I couldn't believe how far I was jumping. Now I know how Evel Knievel feels, just going fast and flying and stuff. I didn't even bite it. I was cooking down this hill which didn't even seem that steep. But I was flying!!!! I didn't even notice how cold it was outside. The whole time I didn't even fall -- and this one run was probably 10 miles long. It was so righteous. When I was done I just yelled "Yeaaahhhh". Everyone was kind of looking at me. They must've seen how fast I was going and all. Especially this one chick -- she was blonde -- but she was with a dude. It's like, why is she with him. The guy was a total loser. Whatever. It was the best run I had all day.

10 Lines that we will not hear from Mormans while in Utah

10. I’m addicted to porn.

9. Brother Jacob, thy third wife is pissing on my asparagus crop again.

8. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical, aquatic ceremony.

7. Brother Leroy, thy idea of celebrating Kwanzaa instead of the day of our lord of us latter-day saint-types is an excellent one.

6. Yes, bartender, I’ll have another screaming orgasm.

5. Donnie, get-eth off-eth thy sister Marie.

4. Brother Enos, I wish I could quit you.

3. Attention fellow Tabernacle Choir members, turn in your hymnal to #532: “Highway to Hell”, by brothers AC & DC.

2. Brother Cates, why don’t thy ride with me…of course thy do know we have never been the best of friends.

1. Taketh thy whole golden horseshoe philosophy and shoveth it up-eth your ass-eth.

More quotes

A few more lines . . .

"Scotty, I know we've never been the best of friends."
--Carl Cates

"My dad's as rich as s**t and I don't have to work if I don't want."
--T. Dan Greer

"Yep, yep."
--R. Salter

"I'm positive this guy's an idiot."
--Ray Farrell, keeping vote night comments positive

"Oh, that's easy."
--W. G. Hodges, prefacing every Trivial Pursuit question ever asked.

"There's good peer pressure, then there's bad peer pressure."
--Art Linkletter appearing on "On Campus", Gary McCaleb's gabfest

"Guys, you've got my balls in your hands."
--R. Salter

"Poor time management, sir."
--Bigs, quivering in fear before President Jones, explaining his lack of Nova visits.

"What's my opinion of Kingman's performance!? What the BLEEP do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was BLEEPING BLEEP."
--Tommy Lasorda on Kingman's performance